"Signing out for the last time"
What up everybody! How in the world are you?! This is officially the last home letter I will be writing! That sentence just blows my little mind! I remember when I first got into the mission field and I could not wrap my head around being in Virginia for almost 2 years! Even before that, I remember being in the home MTC wondering how I was ever going to do it. Well, here we are, at the end of the 2 years! For a last email, it’s pretty hard to think of just one thing to write about! I have had so many amazing missionary friends who have always just had the best emails, and their last one always hit home for me! I fear that I’m not as capable as they are; they are quite amazing people!
As I’ve contemplated my journey over the past two years, I’ve thought about something that helped get me through a lot of my mission. My purpose statement, if you will. But to share this, we’re gonna need to go back to the beginning. The home MTC was just rough for me! I thought there was no chance I would be able to go an entire 2 years! In fact, I marked a date on the calendar with my mom and said that if I made it to that date, I would be okay with coming home! It was a hard 2 weeks at home and I was struggling to think about leaving family, friends, and my entire life behind. Finally the dreaded day came that my family was to take me to the Provo MTC and I would say goodbye to them for a short time. This was one of the hardest days of my life! As we drove in to the MTC and we parked and got ready to say our goodbyes, many tears were shed. But this is where my spiritual thought comes in! I hugged my sister, my grammy, and then I got to my sweet mom, who whispered she loved me and I said I loved her back. My last hug was my dad. As I gave him a hug, he whispered something in my ear that I have never forgotten. He said, “Don’t come home until you know Him.” And then after that I was taken away and started my journey.
As I mentioned before, there were many times that I would set a “date” with my mom of when I was going to come home. I struggled terribly at the start of my mission; worse than anyone knows and worse than I ever let anyone see. I didn’t know how I was going to be a missionary and keep doing this; arriving in Virginia was just so incredibly difficult! I set a goal with my mom to just make it through training, and once that happened, I decided I could maybe go a little bit longer. So, I set a goal to just go 2 more transfers. And I kept doing this, just little by little. Now what was it that made me keep going? Because I’ll be honest, the mission was still incredibly difficult. Why, each time I got to the date, did I feel like I just couldn’t go home? Well, it was a combination of things. One, God sent me many, many, many little miracles! God blessed me so much! He would always send me little tender mercies that gave me just enough energy to keep going. But the thing that was always at the back of my mind was what my Dad whispered to me, “Don’t come home until you know Him.”
Each time I would get to the date, I would feel like I hadn't yet truly got to know Him... my Savior. My testimony grew step by step, and sometimes I made it extra difficult on myself haha, but it grew just line upon line, here a little and there a little. And then, when I had been out on my mission for a little over a year, something happened and I felt that my whole life had collapsed. Everything I once knew and loved took a spin. I’m grateful for friends and family who helped me at this time. But in all honesty, I was disconnected from everything. I could talk to my family once a week for a little bit. But I felt completely abandoned! So life was just terrible haha! There’s no sugar coating it! I was at an all time low. The good thing for you and me is, Christ descended below all things. He did this just for me at this specific moment, of that I have no doubt. I realized that I had no one to turn to except my Savior, Jesus Christ. Day in and day out, I was on my knees pleading for help and guidance. There was no immediate change or answer; I’d be lying if I said there was. But little by little, I felt the Savior intervene in my life. I felt Him pick me up after long prayers and many tears shed. I felt Him as I struggled to wake up in the morning. I felt Him as I would sadly sit and eat my cereal by myself because all food had lost its taste. I could go on and on!
It was in this time that I came to KNOW my Savior Jesus Christ. I felt Him with me. It was small and simple, but its impact is immeasurable! After some time, things got better and, although I had trials all throughout my mission, I constantly felt the Savior with me!
And so now, I have set one last return date: this Saturday, May 11th. The thought of leaving is one that makes me cry. I don’t know how in the world I will ever say goodbye to these people! I love them with all my heart! I have come to know each and every person in the branch on an intimate level. I have heard each of their testimonies on multiple occasions. I have laughed with them and I have cried with them. I don’t know how I will leave my fellow friends and missionaries! I have made friendships here that will last me a lifetime. I am so grateful for the many amazing examples that I have been surrounded by! I will miss teaching people the gospel of Christ each and every day, and declaring that I am His witness to every single person I walk past! I will miss the beautiful green of Virginia! This has been my home and I have loved it! This is, in fact, I believe the harder goodbye. But after all this time, I am okay to come home, as difficult as it is. And that is because I have finally come to know Him. I struggled for a long time, but Dad, here’s me telling you, I know Him. I know He lives. I know this is His church on the earth. I have seen Him perform miracles in front of my eyes! I know that He cares about each and every one of His siblings! He is our Older Brother and Friend. I have walked beside Him and have come to feel the prints in His hands in my own unique way.
This mission has blessed my life more than anything else! It is true that although I thought I was giving God two years of my life, in reality, He was giving me 2 years to be as close to my real home (heaven) as possible on earth. I could never and will never deny my Savior! He is real and I love Him! He is the first priority in my life and will remain that way forever!
I am grateful for all of you, many of you have been angels in my life! You have sent me encouraging messages when I needed them most! I am grateful for the prayers that you have offered on my behalf. I have felt them! Your effort is NEVER wasted and NEVER not seen by God! He hears and answers every child’s prayer!
This is my testimony, that He lives. I am His witness. I will declare with boldness for the rest of my days of His divinity! I am sealed His forever.
So, signing out for the last time, your dear friend,
Elder Steadman
As I mentioned before, there were many times that I would set a “date” with my mom of when I was going to come home. I struggled terribly at the start of my mission; worse than anyone knows and worse than I ever let anyone see. I didn’t know how I was going to be a missionary and keep doing this; arriving in Virginia was just so incredibly difficult! I set a goal with my mom to just make it through training, and once that happened, I decided I could maybe go a little bit longer. So, I set a goal to just go 2 more transfers. And I kept doing this, just little by little. Now what was it that made me keep going? Because I’ll be honest, the mission was still incredibly difficult. Why, each time I got to the date, did I feel like I just couldn’t go home? Well, it was a combination of things. One, God sent me many, many, many little miracles! God blessed me so much! He would always send me little tender mercies that gave me just enough energy to keep going. But the thing that was always at the back of my mind was what my Dad whispered to me, “Don’t come home until you know Him.”
Each time I would get to the date, I would feel like I hadn't yet truly got to know Him... my Savior. My testimony grew step by step, and sometimes I made it extra difficult on myself haha, but it grew just line upon line, here a little and there a little. And then, when I had been out on my mission for a little over a year, something happened and I felt that my whole life had collapsed. Everything I once knew and loved took a spin. I’m grateful for friends and family who helped me at this time. But in all honesty, I was disconnected from everything. I could talk to my family once a week for a little bit. But I felt completely abandoned! So life was just terrible haha! There’s no sugar coating it! I was at an all time low. The good thing for you and me is, Christ descended below all things. He did this just for me at this specific moment, of that I have no doubt. I realized that I had no one to turn to except my Savior, Jesus Christ. Day in and day out, I was on my knees pleading for help and guidance. There was no immediate change or answer; I’d be lying if I said there was. But little by little, I felt the Savior intervene in my life. I felt Him pick me up after long prayers and many tears shed. I felt Him as I struggled to wake up in the morning. I felt Him as I would sadly sit and eat my cereal by myself because all food had lost its taste. I could go on and on!
It was in this time that I came to KNOW my Savior Jesus Christ. I felt Him with me. It was small and simple, but its impact is immeasurable! After some time, things got better and, although I had trials all throughout my mission, I constantly felt the Savior with me!
And so now, I have set one last return date: this Saturday, May 11th. The thought of leaving is one that makes me cry. I don’t know how in the world I will ever say goodbye to these people! I love them with all my heart! I have come to know each and every person in the branch on an intimate level. I have heard each of their testimonies on multiple occasions. I have laughed with them and I have cried with them. I don’t know how I will leave my fellow friends and missionaries! I have made friendships here that will last me a lifetime. I am so grateful for the many amazing examples that I have been surrounded by! I will miss teaching people the gospel of Christ each and every day, and declaring that I am His witness to every single person I walk past! I will miss the beautiful green of Virginia! This has been my home and I have loved it! This is, in fact, I believe the harder goodbye. But after all this time, I am okay to come home, as difficult as it is. And that is because I have finally come to know Him. I struggled for a long time, but Dad, here’s me telling you, I know Him. I know He lives. I know this is His church on the earth. I have seen Him perform miracles in front of my eyes! I know that He cares about each and every one of His siblings! He is our Older Brother and Friend. I have walked beside Him and have come to feel the prints in His hands in my own unique way.
This mission has blessed my life more than anything else! It is true that although I thought I was giving God two years of my life, in reality, He was giving me 2 years to be as close to my real home (heaven) as possible on earth. I could never and will never deny my Savior! He is real and I love Him! He is the first priority in my life and will remain that way forever!
I am grateful for all of you, many of you have been angels in my life! You have sent me encouraging messages when I needed them most! I am grateful for the prayers that you have offered on my behalf. I have felt them! Your effort is NEVER wasted and NEVER not seen by God! He hears and answers every child’s prayer!
This is my testimony, that He lives. I am His witness. I will declare with boldness for the rest of my days of His divinity! I am sealed His forever.
So, signing out for the last time, your dear friend,
Elder Steadman
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